A BRIEF HISTORY LESSON FOR ALL OF THE MOUSTACHE AND BEARD NOVICES
Here are a handful of facial hair options sported throughout history. While the names presented here are their scientific ones it is important to note that these different facial forrests have many different names depending on the part of the world and and the time period you are in so please adjust your minds accordingly. And remember these are just some of the basic styles of facial hair there are many more out there.
THE MOUSTACHES
One of the truly classic moustaches worn throughout history by those looking to project the right amount of masculinity and tenderness. A favorite of such luminaries as Tom "Magnum P.I." Selleck among others.
Of course the moustache of choice for all you surrealists.
Particularly popular in the wise old kung fu teacher community.
This particular moustache is a classy option both appropriate for a nice dinner with friends or a coronation.
A good starter moustache for those who are looking to get into the intense world of competitive facial hair. Give this bad boy a test drive to see if you have the right stuff.
A more advanced and costly moustache do to the monetary investment and time to learn to use wax properly, yet there is no greater feeling then entering a room with perfectly crafted handlebar and seeing the sheer wonder and amazement in people's eyes.
All the rage in turn of the century Vienna thanks the the efforts of the Habsburg Royal Family, but alas just as the Habsburg's power wained in the 20th Century so did the imperial. Now relegated to the faces of eccentrics and those in the competitive facial hair world. We however feel that this impressive facial foliage is due for a comeback soon.
Most often worn by those who are looking for a sportier stache.
Another classic for all those that are looking for a fuller moustache yet still want a slight air of refinement.
A delicate moustache which says "I have a razor and know how to use it."
If you are a swashbuckling movie star or a millionaire aviator with severe OCD this is the satche for you.
Once the lip warmer of movie stars and world dignitaries it is now synonymous with anti-semitism.
Worn for sheer intimidation.
THE BEARDS
This classic from a close cropped beard to long and flowing whiskers lets the world know you have gone through puberty.
For all the beard lovers who can't grow or hate sideburns.
A modern day classic brought to popularity in the early 1990's by those know as generation X.
A flashy beard that is bound to be a conversation starter. However it only reaches its full power when worn by Dick or Jerry Van Dyke.
The domain of those who have yet to master the tricky art of shaving ones chin.
Always a don't in the facial hair world for we can not tell if you meant to do that or if you just miss a spot shaving.
Ahh the old iron jaw often worn by the younger generation who are not yet ready to commit to a more advanced beard.
The next step for the man who has tried the chinstrap and has decided to venture further into the world of beards or a chinstrap wearer who just hasn't trimmed in a while.
A rarer beard which involves advanced techniques of shaving and styling not for a beard rookie.
A good beard to start with on your way to the anchor.
For the man who is not ready for the full beard but wants more substantial and decorative facial hair then the circle beard offers.
Just a beautiful and luscious beard.
Another beard that is rarely seen outside the competitive circuit so if you see one in the wild really take the time to enjoy it.
For the beard wearer who wants to let his upper lip breath.
A great starters beard for the experienced moustacheteer who is looking to dip his toe into the world of beards.
THE SIDEBURNS
The standard common sideburns we see everyday.
The more extreme everyday sideburns.
This are for the serious sideburns wearer.
The granddaddy of all sideburns and a serious statement.
MOUSTACHES AND BEARDS IN THE WILD
Looking good boys.
CELEBRITY STACHE
Tom Selleck showing off his handsome stache.
The moustache all the ladies want to ride.
HALL OF FAME
The beautiful yet dangerous and extremely rare Bee Beard is this quarters Moustache and Bread Hall of Fame inductee. Soak it in ladies and gentlemen.
In our next issue...
Picking the right moustache wax and much more.
Abraham Lincoln was the 16th President but the first to run on a pro beard platform and win. Abe's Iron Jaw was the fulfillment of the dream set forth by presidential facial hair pioneers John Quincy Adams, Martin Van Buren, and Zachary Taylor who all never ventured past slightly longer then normal sideburns. With Lincoln the Golden Age of presidential moustaches and beards begins.
After four clean shaven years under Andrew Johnson the beard made a big come back with the election of Ulysses S. Grant, which kicked off nearly a 30 year run of moustachioed and bearded presidents.
Rutherford B. Hays taking presidential beards to the next level with his full wizard like growth.
Just like Lincoln James A. Garfield fell to the hand of an assassin proving that not everyone had come to accept a beard in the highest office in the land.
Thanks to then Vice President Chester A. Arthur and his delightful friendly mutton chops the run of Presidents who deplored a naked upper lip continued.
Next up is Grover Cleveland who becomes the first solely moustachioed U.S. President. A moustache that the American people liked so much that they re-elected it after four yearsof being led by the beard of Benjamin Harrison.
Benjamin Harrison the last bearded President to date.
After another term under the moustache of Cleveland and the assassination of the bare faced William McKinley Theodore Roosevelt's always active and adventurous moustache takes up residence in the West Wing.
So here is where Presidential moustaches and beards end with William H. Taft our fattest President. If you look closely you can almost see his moustache waving goodbye to the era of pro facial hair Presidents.
Hint: He always helps Swayze keep things cool.
This quarters Moustache and Beard Hall of Fame inductee is the reclusive yet powerful 14 year old Dungeon Master Moustache. What this stache lacks in fullness and body is made up for by the wearers high level of charisma points.
Pancho Villa
Frida Kahlo
Cheech Marin
Efren 'Pedro Sanchez' Ramirez
One of the truly classic moustaches worn throughout history by those looking to project the right amount of masculinity and tenderness. A favorite of such luminaries as Tom "Magnum P.I." Selleck among others.
Of course the moustache of choice for all you surrealists.
This particular moustache is a classy option both appropriate for a nice dinner with friends or a coronation.
A good starter moustache for those who are looking to get into the intense world of competitive facial hair. Give this bad boy a test drive to see if you have the right stuff.
A more advanced and costly moustache do to the monetary investment and time to learn to use wax properly, yet there is no greater feeling then entering a room with perfectly crafted handlebar and seeing the sheer wonder and amazement in people's eyes.
All the rage in turn of the century Vienna thanks the the efforts of the Habsburg Royal Family, but alas just as the Habsburg's power wained in the 20th Century so did the imperial. Now relegated to the faces of eccentrics and those in the competitive facial hair world. We however feel that this impressive facial foliage is due for a comeback soon.
Most often worn by those who are looking for a sportier stache.
Another classic for all those that are looking for a fuller moustache yet still want a slight air of refinement.
A delicate moustache which says "I have a razor and know how to use it."
If you are a swashbuckling movie star or a millionaire aviator with severe OCD this is the satche for you.
Once the lip warmer of movie stars and world dignitaries it is now synonymous with anti-semitism.
Worn for sheer intimidation.
This classic from a close cropped beard to long and flowing whiskers lets the world know you have gone through puberty.
For all the beard lovers who can't grow or hate sideburns.
A modern day classic brought to popularity in the early 1990's by those know as generation X.
A flashy beard that is bound to be a conversation starter. However it only reaches its full power when worn by Dick or Jerry Van Dyke.
The domain of those who have yet to master the tricky art of shaving ones chin.
Always a don't in the facial hair world for we can not tell if you meant to do that or if you just miss a spot shaving.
Ahh the old iron jaw often worn by the younger generation who are not yet ready to commit to a more advanced beard.
The next step for the man who has tried the chinstrap and has decided to venture further into the world of beards or a chinstrap wearer who just hasn't trimmed in a while.
A rarer beard which involves advanced techniques of shaving and styling not for a beard rookie.
A good beard to start with on your way to the anchor.
For the man who is not ready for the full beard but wants more substantial and decorative facial hair then the circle beard offers.
Just a beautiful and luscious beard.
Another beard that is rarely seen outside the competitive circuit so if you see one in the wild really take the time to enjoy it.
For the beard wearer who wants to let his upper lip breath.
A great starters beard for the experienced moustacheteer who is looking to dip his toe into the world of beards.
The standard common sideburns we see everyday.
The more extreme everyday sideburns.
This are for the serious sideburns wearer.
The granddaddy of all sideburns and a serious statement.
Looking good boys.